Practical Steps:
How to get started

Let’s get practical. What do we do and how? How do you start a disciple group? 

Here are some tips:

  • Find one other person with whom you might start this disciple group. Share your hope and dream to be in a disciple group and ask them to join you in trying to put a group together.  
  • Pray about and brainstorm together who Jesus is calling you to invite in the disciple group. The ideal size for this sort of disciple group is 3-5 people. 6 max. 
  • Set a time and place to invite people to consider the opportunity. Make sure you set the time far enough out that people with busy schedules can make arrangements to come.
  • Personally invite the other people to come to this meeting, being very open about what the goal is.
  • At the meeting explain what you have in mind for a group that would regularly meet together. It is important not to have a complete plan for the group at this time, otherwise it is your group and the other potential members have no say in how it will be structured. Allow each person a chance to share what they would want in a disciple group and give them a chance to say they want to be a part of the disciple group.
  • Once there is a common vision and commitment, move on to the "Getting Organized" section and questions for agreement.

Getting Organized

It is important for each member of a disciple group to have a clear sense of where the group is headed and what the expectations are for each member. If these things are not discussed each member of a disciple group may be operating on a slightly different agenda and greater conflict and disappointment will occur. It is crucial to agree on some basic things. Here are some questions for agreement:
  • Review purpose of our disciple group. (Review the Core Values here)
  • Discuss and Decide:
    • When will we meet, how often, how long each time?
    • How many times will we meet before we re-evaluate our commitment?
    • Where will we meet?
    • How will the group be facilitated?
    • What will a typical format for our times together look like? See suggestion below. 
    • What will our ground rules be in areas such as preparation, responsibilities, food?

Rules That Help

There are many rules for disciple groups that are helpful but three rules are crucial to the success of a disciple group. The people in the disciple group must be committed to the group, confidentiality must be maintained, and the group must listen, not problem solve

Commitment

Commitment is essential to the survival of the disciple group. If people do not attend the group starts to deflate like a balloon. We are much less likely to share significant issues in our lives with people who are not committed to sticking around during the struggles and the joys. It is imperative in the midst of our busy lives that we keep as a high priority the people in and the meeting of our disciple group.

Confidentiality

Confidentiality must be maintained in a disciple group. Trust is the basis for sharing our lives with each other. If that trust is broken it takes a long time, if ever, to restore that trust. It is important to note that what is to be kept confidential and what is public information is not always clear. We might assume that something is public information because we would feel comfortable with it being public if we were in their shoes. This is the wrong way to decide what is to be kept confidential. We have to assume that confidentiality must be maintained unless we have someone’s explicit permission to share it with others. Even if our intent is to share the concern with others for their prayers we should only share it in very general terms unless we have permission. This may sound conservative yet confidentiality is essential to the survival and health of a disciple group.

Listening vs. problem solving

The best listeners, the most compassionate people, can struggle with a tendency to want to give too much help too soon. Giving advice or trying to help solve someone’s problem can close people down and short circuits the communication process. By offering advice or by focusing on solving the problem we walk all over a person’s feelings which we have not taken time to empathize with or explore. It is crucial to control our drive to fix, rescue, remove pain when someone shares a problem or concern in their life. Yes, at some point they may want help in solving their problem but that comes way down the road in healthy communication and friendship. The way to avoid this is by being curious and asking good questions to help the other person think about what they are really struggling with and how God might be leading them, and what they can begin to do about it. By doing this we show love and give the Holy Spirit the opportunity to speak to them, and give them agency in working with the Holy Spirit to problem solve.

Sample Format for a DGroup Meeting

1.5-2 hours

1. Catch Up: 15 min

2. Celebration: 20 min

  1. This is the time for praise and thanksgiving which helps build relationships, and encourage one another. This cultivates an attitude of gratitude and reminds each other of God’s active work in our lives.
  2. We don’t just celebrate spiritual victories but God’s goodness in all of life: family, work, recreation, etc…
  3. Key Question: How has God been good to you? Or Where is God at work in your lives? 

3. Conversation: 40 min

Below is a list of questions to be asked that will cover the basic Christian life.  
The idea is whoever is leading that moment will ask one question per week and let each person share how they are really doing in this area. You typically will only tackle one question per meeting because the goal is conversation. You can rotate between the questions from week to week.  
These are just prompts for conversation, and other questions can be added. During this time, we want to be good listeners, and ask any clarifying questions so that we understand what our brother or sister is going through.  
  • How is your relationship with God?  How is your soul? Where do you need Jesus most? What has God been teaching you recently? What struggles are they facing?
  • How is your relationship with your spouse? Roommates? 
  • How is your relationship with your children? 
  • How is your relationship with your work?
  • How is your witness? Who are you engaging with the gospel? How is that going?
  • How are you stewarding God’s resources? Finances? 
  • How is your ministry?

Additional questions that can help foster relationship growth:
  • What is one of your front burner issues right now?
  • How do you handle confrontations?
  • How would someone know when you are angry?
  • How do you best receive love? What is your love language?
  • What is something good in your life right now and why is it good?
  • Are you running towards God, standing still, or running away from God? Explain
  • What would you most want prayer for in your life?
  • What is the most recent major change in your life and how has this change affected you?

4. Conviction: 15 min

We are aiming for obedience based disciple where we are helping each other obey what Jesus has said.   
  • What invitation/instructions has God given to you recently and how well are you living them out?
  • What do you hear Jesus saying to you?  
  • What is Jesus calling you to do?   

4. Common Ministry: 30 min

  • Ask, how can we support you as a group?  What do you need? 
  • Take time to pray for each other, prophesy, or exhort one another