Forgiving Others

Key Truth: In order to experience true freedom in Christ, we must relate to others in the same what God relates to us – on the basis of complete forgiveness (Matthew 6:14-15).

The word most often translated, “to forgive,” basically means “to send away” or “to let go.” In forgiving, we send away the injustice so that it can no longer torment us, and we let go of our right to desire vengeance, or to sit in judgment over the person, entrusting them to God as the One to Whom they will one Day give an account.

Forgiveness does not mean we don’t care about justice. Forgiveness isn’t excusing or minimizing what has been done against us. Rather, it is taking ourselves out of the judgment seat and entrusting the person to God, allowing Him to deal with them according to His wisdom, justice, and ways.

Forgiveness involves releasing someone not only for the wrong they did, but also for the long-term effects their actions have had in your life.

If a person says, “I can’t forgive,”:
  • Acknowledge that sometimes the pain is so great that forgiveness can feel beyond our ability. But ask, “Are you willing to let Jesus help you come to a place where you can forgive?” If they agree, have them pray this (or you can lead them in a prayer if they are more comfortable repeating after you). 
  • It may be helpful to review what forgiveness is and is not (above). Remind them that forgiveness is not a feeling, but an act of obedience to God who has forgiven us. As we choose to obey God and step out in faith, He will give us His strength to do what He is calling us to do. There is no freedom apart from forgiveness. 

FORGIVENESS PRAYER
1. Father God, thank you for forgiving me for all of my sins. Because of your forgiveness, I also forgive ___(person’s name)___. 

2. I forgive ___(person)___ for the things they did: ___(Have the person say the specific ways the person sinned against them.)___

3. I forgive ___(person)___ for the things they failed to do (if applicable): 
Depending on the injustice and the relationship, the offense may have come from a failure to do something (e.g. a lack of protection, love, attention, provision, nurturing, caring, stability, etc). You may need to ask: "Holy Spirit, would you show them what ___(person)___ failed to do?"

4. I forgive ___(person)___ for the ways their sin impacted me and what it cost me.
One will always experience some sort of negative impact from an injustice – we call these “open doors.” It may be fears (e.g. fear of intimacy, failure, not being enough, death, etc.) or other strongholds and sin patterns (e.g. anger, rejection, passivity, shame, self-protection, sexual perversion, depression, the occult, self-hatred, etc.) You may need to ask: "Holy Spirit, would you show them what fears this opened the door to?" You can also ask: "Lord, what else did it open the door to?"

5. I forgive ___(person)___ for all of the pain and suffering I have had to deal with in my life because of what he/she did. 

6. Pray and bless the person, in Jesus’ name.
Note: one way to bless a person is to pray for God to reveal Himself to them, to save them (if unsaved), and draw them close to Him, heal their hearts, etc. It is true that they don’t deserve God’s mercy. But remember, neither do we. James 2:13 reminds us, “…judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”